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Cliffhanger/Transcript
Cast (In order of appearance): Yami, Téa, Yugi, Joey, Tristan, Weevil, Grandpa, "Ghost Kaiba", Hair Guy, Zombie Boy, Mokuba, Kaiba, Kaiba's Computer Date: August 07, 2006 Running Time: 4:44 Transcript Intro "The Lonely Man" from The Incredible Hulk 1977 TV Series plays YAMI: Previously on Yu-Gi-Oh!... TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Yami's the father! JOEY: Tristan, don't leave me! TRISTAN: I'm sorry, Joey, it's just not working out between us. JOEY: But I love you! TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Weevil's the father! YUGI: Grampa! So you're the one who shot Tristan! GRAMPA: Yes, it was I! TÉA: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and Bakura's the-- YUGI: No bleeping way. TÉA: Okay, I lied about that one. GHOST KAIBA: This time, Yugi, you don't stand a ghost of a chance! TRISTAN: Yugi, I think I'm pregnant, and you're the father! YAMI: And now, the thrilling conclusion! Wait a minute, did any of that stuff actually happen? Title sequence At the Dueling Field HAIR GUY: Attention, duelists! My hair has abducted this small child! If you want me to release him, you must first defeat Seto Kaiba's ghost in a duel! YAMI: Are you trying to tell me that Kaiba came back from the dead just to play a card game with me? HAIR GUY: Yes! YAMI: Either this is a trick, or this show is even dumber than I thought. GHOST KAIBA: It's true Yugi, I've returned from the dead in order to defeat you. My desire for vengeance was so strong that even hell itself could not hope to contain- YAMI: OK, time out! Does anybody believe for even one second that this guy is a ghost? TRISTAN: I do! YAMI: Anyone besides Tristan? (pause) TRISTAN: I do! GHOST KAIBA: What's your point? YAMI: My point is you're not a ghost. No eff-ing way. GHOST KAIBA: Then explain how I have this! The Hitotsu-Me Giant! YAMI: (sarcastically) Oh. You're right. That definitely proves it. GHOST KAIBA: Look, I'm a ghost, okay? Quit being such a jerk. YAMI: If you're a ghost, then I'm straight. cut to a forest KAIBA: Now that Pegasus thinks I'm dead, I can work on redeeming my character in the eyes of the fans! Wait a minute, how the hell did I climb up the side of a cliff while holding a briefcase? And, for that matter, how the hell did I get here? Into the Kaiba Cave! The 1960's Batman theme music plays as Kaiba enters his cave COMPUTER: Hi there, Kaiba, I'm your inappropriately voiced computer system. KAIBA: Wait a second, do you mean I have to spend the entire episode talking to a machine? COMPUTER: It's like looking in a mirror, isn't it? KAIBA: Using my leet haxzor skills, I'm going to bring down one of Pegasus's satellites so that I can gain access to his computer systems. Hooray for cyber-terrorism! COMPUTER: It looks like you're just pressing the same keys over and over again. KAIBA: That's because I learned how to hack by watching old episodes of ''Star Trek''. COMPUTER: Since I'm such an advanced computer, I can make Pegasus's computer systems look like a really boring video game. (the blue screen of death appears on the computer) KAIBA: Ahh! The blue screen of death! My mortal enemy... (back at the dueling field) GHOST KAIBA: You don't stand a ghost of a chance, Yugi, because this time I'm-- YAMI: How many times are you going to use that line?! (cut to black screen) CAPTION: they use that pun way too much. here, I'll prove it... GHOST KAIBA: [clip from actual episode] It's me, Kaiba, and this time, you don't stand a ghost of a chance! HAIR GUY: [clip from actual episode] Yugi, you don't have a ghost of a chance beating Kaiba because this time he is a ghost! ZOMBIE BOY: [clip from actual episode] I'm afraid you don't stand a ghost of a chance in a duel against me! CAPTIONS: Yu-Gi-Oh! where bad puns go to die (Bonz cameo FTW!) GHOST KAIBA: Whoooo-oooo, I'm a ghost, whoo- YAMI: Oh, stop it! You're not fooling anyone. TRISTAN: It's a ghost! YAMI: Tristan doesn't count. MOKUBA: That's not my brother! Everyone says he's a bad person, but it's not true! YAMI: He stole my grandfather's favorite card, put him in the hospital and then left you at the mercy of his enemies! Face it kid, your brother's a giant prick! Kaiba Cave KAIBA: Even though I'm his archrival, I'm going to use this virus to help Yugi win. Finally, being a rich nerd pays off. COMPUTER: [[Pilot|You really do need to get laid.]] (Dueling field) YAMI: Aha! See? You're not a ghost at all! You're some kind of... gay clown, apparently. TÉA: Eww! It's slightly more repulsive than regular clowns! GAY CLOWN: Actually, I'm not a clown. I'm Seto Kaiba's evil side brought back from the Shadow Realm by Pegasus-- YAMI: That's even less believable than the whole ghost story! You don't even know what you are, do you? GAY CLOWN: No... YAMI: Didn't think so. MIND CRUSH!! (mind crushes the gay clown to death) Did I just kill a gay clown? TRISTAN: That ghost didn't scare me, even if I did just sh*t my pants. YAMI: He didn't stand a ghost of a chance! (everyone laughs) JOEY: Hey, what happened to Mokuba? YAMI: Who cares? (End. The Batman song plays again) CAPTION: think i'm pregnant... Stinger: ROBOT MONKEY TRISTAN: [[wikipedia:Futurama|(as Bender) Bite my shiny metal ass!]] JOEY: [[wikipedia:Futurama|(as Fry) It doesn't look so shiny to me.]] ROBOT MONKEY TRISTAN: Shinier than yours, meatbag. Yami Bakura appears on screen along with the text: his time is at hand... (we're all going to die) 1x07